How is it possible for me to be so happy, and so unbelievably confused at the same time? Just when I think life is going in a good direction, I realize that it really isn't going in any particular direction at all, and the dissatisfaction of doing nothing at all even though I'm having fun doing it, overwhelms me. I suddenly feel immense pressure to hurry up and decide what to do with my life. What do I love? What is my passion - what do I feel driven to accomplish? And then frustration and embarrassment because I can't put my finger on anything.
Why must we make such important, huge decisions that will affect the rest of our lives when we are so young and have so little experience and wisdom? I get conficting advice from every direction, whether I ask for it or not.
'Just wait a while, you'll find it.'
'College isn't for everyone.'
'Go to college. Everyone should have at least a year of college even if they hate it.'
'Try everything, you'll find a fit someday.'
'Get married.'
And my favorite of all; "God told me you should do this. I don't know if I was supposed to say anything..."
But despite the muddledness of my mind, life is so sweet right now I can taste it. I feel that change is lurking in the allyway up ahead, and that's okay. The mountains outside my window change everyday, and everyday they are incredibly beautiful. I think my life is turning out to be the same.